| The Really Obnoxious |
[Jul. 1st, 2007|12:36 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bed | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None, didn't think to | ] |
Why is it that some people just think they have the right to "lord" it over others? I'd say that a large proportion of the population (go alliteration) work in service or retail industries in which the customer is treated as some infallible messiah. This whole "customer is always right" culture is often disgraceful when considered against the large sums of abuse suffered by the little men, the booksellers (ahem), video store clerks and pretty teenage checkout girls (okay, why is it that every insecure woman - someone ususally approaching thirty who wears too much make-up to compensate for what they perceive that they are missing, pick on these little cherubs?). There is so much bitterness and self righteousness projected by certain individuals that one wonders how they can live their lives if they believe that raising their voice and condemning someone for "idiocy" over a mistake made by a computer that is quickly rectified is justified? What happens when a drunk steps on their bruised, yellowing, big toe? Do they take out a machete and sell the brains they harvest on eBay as a Far Eastern delicacy?
They are like dogs. I don't receive a major amount, maybe one fuckhead every couple of months (or I deserve it for being rude on the phone when I have a headache and slept all of 30mins the night before because I popped a viagra some dude was selling as a taster for 50p at King's Cross tube station... I think I can finally say I know how to, in principle, pitch a tent) because I am fairly assertive and authoritive which begs little question as to the validity of my bullshit (Or something like that). But other colleagues who are more easily backed into corners seem to be subject to the most vile rants, unwarranted sulks and poorly directed blame. Customers smell fear, so my advice is often to pass wind in order to mask their scent.
It now seems that someone's best is not good enough. You can go above and beyond the call of duty and there will always be one self involved wanker who decides that this is still not enough attention for him/her and will, rather than calmly explain what they want, read out a list of demands in a raised voice and an unmistakable sneer, obviously oblivious (whoo more alliteration) to the fact that we are less likely to have any inclination to help them out with their "problem" and maybe even harbour an unwise fantasy of serving them their lunch a la whale sperm. |
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| Avoidance |
[Apr. 11th, 2007|06:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bedroom | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 'You're a Woman, I'm a Machine' - Death From Above 1979 | ] |
There comes a point in my attempts to finish a writing project where the characters, themes and plotlines are all settled and the fleshing out of scenes and general construction of the story becomes the next step.
This is frequently the toughest time in the whole process for me because it takes a great deal for me to have got this far, stories are casually abandoned for not making the grade at various stages, but this stage; I have approved all the threads and failure to put them all together in amanner that fulfills their promise is really fucking intense... So I am now putting it off to write this blog moaning about it and I expect I will play video games for a little while before getting going on it, if I don't wait weeks.
I need to bite the bullet and do it, accept that the first draft is going to be flawed and put my energies into fixing it instead of fearing it... But not tonight, I need to relax, I need a good night's sleep as I am really tired; not to mention I need to get up and try to book a haircut tomorrow if I can. I don't need the stress right now.
Excuses fly forth. There's millions to choose from. The biggest pain in the arse is that the times I am really inspired are usually late at night and because I have to get up for work, I don't act on them. Need another evening job I think.
Might try looking for short film festivals online tonight. Go to a few to try and inspire myself with the old "I can do better than this with a catastrophic failure" motivational technique. |
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| The Pianist |
[Mar. 8th, 2007|11:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bedroom | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  guilty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Something by Chopin I think | ] |
I just watched The Pianist for the first time. The production design is incredible in the film and it was made on a relative budget, so to see very vivid depictions of a ruined Warsaw is something of a marvel. The sound design is not particularly interesting; basically "as is" SFX with plenty of piano solos making up the score and a lot of diegetic sound. It's; somewhat calming and offers a stark contrast to the chaos and fear so well captured in the film.
Visually it's got wonderful production design; competent but not breathtaking photography (One static shot rendered in a greenish muddy hue being an exception; a broken down house in the foreground; billowing smoke and destruction surrounding it. There was something deeply affecting about the shot; isolation of a house despite it's similar state of disrepair) and in terms of performance; only Adrien Brody has anything real to do. Everyone else seems to be tertiary to Szpilman; in fact many of the silent extras have stronger material than a lot of the supporting cast; like the woman gunned down in the street whose unnatural pose is ever present in the next several scenes; pointless, permenant death; unescapable to Szpilman and almost ordinary.
I'm not bowled over by it; it's not as broad as say; 'Schindler's List' - a story on a similar subject matter but it is also deeply affecting in the depiction of human barbarism and our potential monstrousness seemingly brought about by that old dog; status and the disgust held for those deemed by the majority to be beneath them. Hitler infused this idea in his citizens and many took it to the extremes intended all to make themselves feel big and powerful; one must assume.
Anyway, I am too tired to rant on about human rights and egotism right now; so g'night all. |
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| Ah Wuz Thinkin |
[Mar. 7th, 2007|06:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bedroom | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Muse - Absolution (Specifically The Small Print) Fuck yeah! | ] |
You know, it has crossed my mind on several occasions recently to question my reaction of ridicule when someone I do not know speaks to me in a manner in which I deem to be "over-enthusiastic."
Why is it that when someone is trying to be friendly, I more often than not back away and nod, not saying a gret deal as if to force them to go away? Thinking about it, I realised that it was not what I thought it was; I was not trying to get rid of them as quickly as possible or dissuade them from befriending me because I have no interest; I'm just worried I am going to have nothing to say.
Say for instance at anime conventions; a lot of the conversation revolves around "oh what do you like" and honestly, I don't like a lot. I am not an anime enthusiast and I am far removed from the "gaijin in his own country" culture. When people start speaking to me; I kind of take a step back. Granted sometimes it's because I don't want to talk about fucking Love Hina, but often when people are talking about things they are passionate about; I lack the comfort to comment naturally and feel highly pressured into concocting one of my usual engaging comments or tangental asides related to the subject.
I guess the bottom line of it all is that quite often, I am worried because of my lack of familiarity, that I am going to say something wrong; but more often that I am not going to have something to say at all; that I would appear; God forbid, boring. Of course, to those who know me; this is about as far from the case as is humanly possible (HUUUUGE HEAD) and yet it would appear that I am preoccupied with first impressions bordering on the obsessive and the pressure that comes with that creates a silence that suggests disinterest and an agitation that suggests discomfort or disinterest.
I shall try and rectify this, methinks. Anyone else get something similar? |
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| Almodovar |
[Mar. 6th, 2007|11:42 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bedroom | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
I just finished watching 'All About My Mother'. It was excellent. The characters in Pedro Almodovar's films are always intensely vivid. Even characters you would normally think of as dull or too... What's the word... Normal, no I don't know... Well even they seem to grasp your attention and have your empathy fully drawn.
This was not quite as visceral in its visuals as some of Almodovar's other films (Live Flesh is particularly sumptuous) but still had a shot of travelling through a tunnel; one so ridden by ckiche in cinema and yet the textures, high angle, colour; all made it somewhat new and fresh, interesting even. It's hard to explain, I'm knackered, as poor an excuse as it is.
The sound was pretty much "as required' no real break out "oooh" moments and so it seems a little disappointing to be the first full film I have watched on my new surround system and upscaling DVD player.
Although I did watch some choice moments from Revenge of the Sith when I was sorting it all out earlier. It looks lush; especially after looking so crap on my old DVD player connected via SCART. The sound is astonishing and the picture is three times the quality it was. |
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| Holy Fuckballs Rapeman! |
[Mar. 5th, 2007|01:20 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bedroom | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 300 Trailer 2 | ] |
Holy shit!
I just got my 47" HD TV mounted on my wall and started by watching a few DVDs... Revenge of the Sith looked fucking fuzzy as shit on it, like a VHS tape and I wasn't impressed... But then I played World of Warcraft in 720p and it looked crystal clear and I was ecstatic...
My TV can run 1080p as it is a boner alert piece of kit; however, for some reason, whenever I set up 1080p in the resolution, the print and icons all shrink and it looks crap (this being on my pc) so I have set it to 720p for use with the PC...
... And after seeing an improvement with the 24 season 5 DVD and the PS2 looking, well pretty shit I rolled up one of apple's HD trailers... Of course, for 300...
OH MY FUCKING RAPIST AUNTIE!!!! It looks beautiful, everything is crystaline, pure wonderfully hued, window like quality... It is quite simply a defining moment in my image viewing life. I may have committed myself to a sizeable financial burden in buying this thing; however, as Gerard Butler shouts "THIS IS SPAAARTAAAA!!!" I realised that it would have been a bargain at twice the price.
Now I just have to wait fifty years for the winner of blu-ray Vs HD DVD to become apparent. In the mean time I will probably buy an X Box 360 with a cheap HD DVD drive and select only the movies I love enough to buy more than once as purchases until the winner of the race is revealed.
I seriously have what adds up to a tiny, personal cinema in my room (One that I can run my PC on :)) and I just feel smug and happy and excited about what I am going to be capable of viewing!
I'll be charging a pound an hour so book early :P |
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| The Constant Gardener |
[Feb. 15th, 2007|10:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bed | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Constant Gardener DVD menu :P | ] |
I have just this second finished watching it for the first time. I bought it months ago but just haven't got round to watching it for various reasons.
If there ever was a film that made me believe that one could shoot digitally (despite being shot on film!) without the pomp of rigging and track it was this one. The scenes in which the camera is handheld (A lot of the early scenes with Tessa and Arnold in the Nairobi slums) are so vibrant, kinetic and well paced that the obvious lack of any camera movement equipment only improves the overall dynamism of the scenes.
Now I will be the first, as always, to criticise fast editing and second long shots, but here it is majestic. The film calls on a whole range of sharp cuts to images that one must think about in order to relate them to the overall film. It can be distracting, sure, but there is something deeply involving when a character is described using the term "fish and chips" only to see a visual representation of this juxtaposed against a pompous dinner in which grilled salmon is said to be "ghastly."
I don't know, in terms of style, it has me rethinking my previous ideas on what does and doesn't work. Technically the film is a marvel and things such as a gradual white out in contrast in the very first scene, something I would normally wince at and feel was completely "avant garde" or a mistake (something I often consider the avant garde to consist of), was beautiful in conveying a feeling of seperation and isolation. Planting vibrant, human bodies, upon an unnaturally high contrast background was just perfect for this and made the events of the next scene all the more poigniant.
The story was also fantastic. I have to admit, the John le Carre books are not really my cup of tea and I may struggle to get through one (not that I am not an avid reader, I just am more picky due to the time consumption a novel has against a film. I can't finish a book that may take a week if I come across any part which does not completely arrest me) and would certainly find this one hard going, but it works as a film and there is more to appreciate than the story alone.
The performances ring true. This is, of course, entirely subjective but I felt Weisz and Fiennes created a very interesting, contained relationship that was both charming and frought in equal measure. The concept and ideas of third world exploitation are very topical and appeal to my own political views as well as feelings of admiration for the protagonists in their drive (not in a selfish Jennifer Lopez way) and how they deal with the fear one must feel in similar situations. The compassionate hope and personal hopelessness of this kind of martyrdom is inspirational.
Most important is the change that goes on in Fiennes' Justin Quale. The beginning of the film he seems to be a dowdy, bourgeoisie, posh Englishman. His reserved emotions and preoccupation with his garden show a man imprisoned in a faux life. Only in death does his wife change him and bring about, not a redemption, for he is never a bad character - but in finding real purpose and expressing emotion... Something so beautifully show in the scene where he visits the house where she lived when he first met her and fails to cope with his feelings of loss by trying to tend to the unkempt garden.
It really is a wonderful film and a worthy project to follow the director, Fernando Meirelles' amazing, 'City of God'. I suggest everyone go out and watch it. |
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| Junkie Gets a Haircut |
[Feb. 9th, 2007|06:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bed | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Propagandhi | ] |
I went to stay with my sister for a few days this week, seen as I am on "holiday" from work. I cannot impress just how hard it was to tear myself away from World of Warcraft on Tuesday afternoon knowing that I would not get to play it agian until today and that kind of shows me that I really needed to get away from it for a few days as I was completely addicted.
Anyway, mum drove me up there, Sam (my sis) was extremely excited about playing video games on the Thursday night and forced me to bring the Wii up and really pushed her boyfriend to lug his bloody heavy XBox 360 halfway across London to join in.
I felt really melancholy on Tuesday... I mean after having a great few days it was a really tough day where I wasn't upset about anything, nothing had come up and it was just a random downer. Chemical imbalances suck and I might have to have a blood test to check my thyroid.
Anyway; I got there and watched Memoirs of a Geisha, which was poo but had those lovely ladies, Zhang Ziyi and Gong Li, so despite being pretty crummy in terms of story and cliched in camera work (although the production design is magnificent) I get to look at two of the most beautiful women on the planet for two hours. Jagshemash!
Wednesday we went into Camden shopping, I got some nice stuff. A shirt, for the first time in three years that is pretty, pretty and two Star Wars T shirts, one with Darth Vader holding an AT-AT by the leash and another long sleaved one with a stormtrooper on it. I will not be removing my geek heritage, but I am going to try and mix up my geek and suave looks a bit more. We had lunch at this little Chinese stall in the market area, it was tiny and huddled but there was something wonderfully charming about it. The girl serving was bloody hilarious too... A dedicated fisher of men she was, grabbning people off the street with her voice alone to try and more often than not, buy their special for the day. I would have got it myself, were it not Chicken.
On the way back there was this young Muslim girl on the tube; she was extremely beautiful. I know it's a shallow thing to say such a thing but I don't know, when someone seems to shine so brightly from a crowd and yet be from a religious subdivision suffering a great deal of prejudice, there seems to be something, I don't know, artistic in it. As if this girl was a symbol that softens one's perception on a subject so politically and emotionally volitile it threatens to destabilize the world we live in. Her eyes were red, as if she had been crying; something that brings out a protective sadness in me, a compassion and desire to comfort. I found this experience to be sad, but somewhat uplifting.
Also, I saw more members of the opposite sex I am attracted to in Camden in a few hours than I see in Portsmouth in an entire year. God I need to get out of this shit hole.
My plans to go back into central London on Thursday came a cropper when we were snowed in by that friggin' snow storm. "The worst for a decade" just when I want to get some new clothes. It is Sod's law, is it not.
So Sam and I went into Enfield Town (Where she lives) and looked in some of the shops there, where I got a nice black shirt to replace the one my Dad ripped a while ago, a pair of smart trousers, some nice jeans, a pair of awesome combats and an olive coloured shirt. It was really dangerous out. The snow on the pavements had been crushed to slippery ice and Sam was flying everywhere and I too was having trouble keeping my feet.
I love how they are quick to clear the roads with grit and salt and yet leave the pavements to harness the elements. "Fuck pedestrians" they say beneath their collective breath.
We had lunch in Pizza Express and I had the Fungotto for starters which was a stuffed mushroom and it was absolutely beautiful. It really was so incredibly tasty I just couldn't begin to describe. I used to hate cheese but when it has been in the oven, it can be divine.
Then came the thrashings.
Inell, Sam's boyfriend, is a much better game player than I am. He completely thrashed me at everything, even stuff I was better than most of my friends at. It was a lesson in humility and of my dislike of playing when I can't win! :P
So I have come home today, made some posts on the Ame forums and written this. I am still off until Monday and am getting my hair cut tomorrow. Life is good when it's not being quite so harsh. |
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| checkcheckcheck da cone |
[Feb. 5th, 2007|12:58 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bed | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Iron Maiden | ] |
The last few days have been AWESOME...
That's right.
AWESOME.
For the first time since around about September I have been free of worry, stress and insecurity. Amazing how all this happens a few days leading up to a week off work, huh?
My depression seems to be stabilizing again, my thoughts and feelings becoming less inverted and self sorry and a strong acceptance of who I am without clamouring for the attentions of others. This is all good news.
Tomorrow I am doing a few hours free work for Waterstones, selling Sophie Kinsella books at the local library when she does her talk. I was planning on reading one of her books so I had something to say to her before other people arrive but I figured there'd be no need. I'll just talk about lunch and flatulance or something. You know me. I'm doing this because I figured I would go anyway and I've been late pretty much every day for two weeks now, I should make up the time. :)
I should also get my haircut. I am looking a bit mullety and although I don't mind it, I want something short, manageable and smart. Probably going to go for blond highlights for the first time in 5 years. The lighter colour is good for my pale complexion. :S
Then Tuesday night I am going down to my sister's in London for a few days. Wednesday we're going to do a bit of shopping. I'm going through a metamorphosis stage at the moment, I think and need some new clothes, smarter, sleeker and more in tune with a new fresh outlook. I love wearing hoodies, combats and ripped jeans and will continue to do so, but I think my public appearence could be a bit more attractive.
My South-East Asia soiree has hit a snag though; vaccinations. I forgot all about them and for any extended period of travel there are a shit load of them. Now, from what I remember, getting travel vaccines doesn't come under the NHS. And I do believe they are really expensive. So there's me thinking I can go for three months on a grand and a half (plus flights) and it's probably going to be considerably more, plus there will need to be more time as one of the vaccines needs to be done in three installments over 6 months. I am, without a shadow of a doubt, doing it though. I need that sense of freedom and adventure. It's why i turn to writing the fantastic so much, my yearning for adventure something that is corrupted by my idleness and cowardess. NOT ANY MORE I tell thee!
So how to go about this? Finish this doc and make a short in the extra six months I have to ait before leaving? Yes, something productive. Then I will spend a lot of time writing on the road and hopefully come home bursting at the seems with ideas and passion. |
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| I frighten myself |
[Jan. 31st, 2007|08:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bed | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Reel Big Fish | ] |
I watched Ghost World for the first time last night, I really enjoyed it, although the fucked-upness of the main characters was a little disheartening. The minds of women change like the wind, they say. Then why didn't Mary Poppins leave those kids sooner?
Strangely, I found Thora Birch to be much better looking in the movie than Scarlet Johanssen, but I guess it's subjective. There's a nice line in the film where TB's character, Enid, says to SJ's character, "I've come to terms with the fact that boys like you more than they like me." The acceptance of this fact is astounding. I mean, if it was me, shit I'd go crazy having the ego I do and all. I just thought it was really interesting; that someone could be completely unbothered by being ignored as such in favour of their best friend.
I'm just going to watch something else, I want to watch something fairly light hearted and easy to follow because I am not in a very high brow mood. i.e I just can't be fucked to pay any great attention to the smaller components of the film, just wanna see performances and story. Damn I just don't know... Yes I do, seen as my quotation mistake on the ame forums was swiftly pounced upon, I'm gonna watch The Big Lebowski.
Three year olds dude, threee year olds.
See, that sounds much more filthy than eight year olds :P |
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| Busy addict |
[Jan. 25th, 2007|06:11 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bed | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Juliette and the Licks | ] |
Recently, I got a call from my friend, Jen asking me if I'd be interested in making a film about autistic children.
Of course, my initial reaction was "Hella no! I'm really uncomfortable around retarded kids!" But that in itself started to grind at my conscience. Perhaps this ill ease with mentally handicapped folk is something I should be attacking. I mean being proactive and taking on something like this is definately a challenge and I have spent so much of my life taking the easy path with everything I do, maybe it's time I actually went out and confronted my fears.
So yesterday I had my first informal chat with the woman who runs the Portsmouth support group for Parents with Autistic and Aspergers children. Jenn (her name) has 3 children of her four suffering from some form of Autism of Asperger's syndrome, which I am told is extremely rare.
We talked about what she wanted from the project, the sort of money it would cost, things that would be effective in communicating the issue we are wanting to raise and I came away much happier with what sort of film needs to be made and also a loss of fear towards these kids.
Autism is a disorder that means the sufferer has litttle to no concept of other people's independence, thoughts, feelings and so forth. They are capable of thinking only of themselves, (which, as Jen pointed out, is a little like me XD) and as such, depending on the severity of the disorder, can completely flip out in busy social environments, like can often be the case with classrooms across the country. This can cause them great distress and while many hold it together at school, when they get home it is often released and has built up over the hours to become something quite destructive.
The aim of the video is to highlight how small things can make the lives of these children and their parent's easier. The simplest of which is having an empty room the children can go to when they feel they are becoming irate or so forth in order to cool down.
There are also ways in which teachers will take for granted that the child is not capable of some things, such as working out idioms. Autistics are incredibly literal. If you tell them to pull their socks up, they will pull their socks up. Not work harder. They just wouldn't understand the concept even after explanation.
Jem was telling me of an incident when one of the boys kicked his sister but swore blind that he didn't. It turned out later that he'd kicked her after she had fallen to the floor and because this wasn't made clear in the interrogation, he swore blind he did not do it. Not to be funny, not to shirk responsibility but because it is of genuine need when speaking to him.
The fact I get to used what talent I have to help out in such a way thhat could help make small changes, it's quite exciting.
When Jen was driving me home she asked me pointedly "Are you excited?" It's important to note, Jen cannot hide or disguise her emotions or enthusiasm. When we were stood around discussing ideas for how we could film this, make it interesting (as opposed to a boring training video) while still respecting the limitations in communication that the condition lumbers us with she was clearly getting into it in a strong, passionate manner. Forceful speech, rapid successions of ideas desperate to be communicated... Then I considered myself, my step back from the situation, poker faced showing a knowledge and interest but not betraying my genuine enthusiasm...
I kind of feel numb but I don't know, I just don't want to get excited about it and make it a part of me until its done because I just feel like it's going to fall through... I mean it's 99% on now, which is why I am making this entry, but I don't know... It's a combination of a negative attitude and a deep psychological defensiveness... With good reason though, every time I have fully opened myself up to anything, be it a personal project or a person, I have been throroughly crushed by the experience. But I want to display the passion and energy I feel here and I just can't. It's so frustrating.
Jen was extremely impressive though. I've known her for a good few years now and I can honestly say I was pleasently surprised by her maturity. She waltzes into a situation I have a great deal of trepidation with and does her thing... Friendly confident, she doesn't comprimise any of herself in her interaction, there's no wariness only openness... Then me, cold, distant, wary... I mean I loosen up eventually but I am very calculating to begin with and this was a situation I have been afraid of for a long, long time.
I am also completely and hopelessly addicted to World of Warcraft again. I got the expamsion on Monday and I've played it in every moment of free time I have had (Aside from right now) and have felt a tremendous level of guilt over it.
Oh well, here's to combating fears and playing video games! May you all become immersed in these activities!
Salut! |
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| raaaaaawwwwwwrrrrr! |
[Dec. 15th, 2006|09:10 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bedroom | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jamiroquai - A Funk Odysee | ] |
Ever get the feeling like you lost an innate ability?
Like somehow it's just disappeared from your repertoire like poo down a 'U' bend?
I have been spectacularly unfunny for about a week now and it is starting to get depressing. The thing is, like most things, the more you try to rectify the situation the more you sound like a complete nob.
I first noticed it when Jason looked at me with those "wtf?!?!?!'" eyes he makes so spectacularly while sat in the IKB. When I see that look, I know I've been trying too hard to get a laugh.
Then again, I had some respite by making a girl in a card shop laugh regarding cows being out of season but milk being needed all year round... I thought I would try and replicate it in a message I had written in someone's card (Sorry Alice) but it was just... So fucking irrelevent and weird.
Then today, Jerry poked me (In the arm with his finger, filth mongers!) and apologized afterwards saying "Sorry, I didn't mean to poke you." To which I heartily replied with much gusto and volume, right in front of customers; "That's what they all say!"
I mean, seriously. What the fuck? Who pokes? What is going on with that statement?
Anyone else lose some of their personality at any point and struggle to get it back? |
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| Gwa Ha Ha |
[Dec. 3rd, 2006|08:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pixies - Monkey Gone To Heaven | ] |
Hahahaha
I just saw Simon Pegg fly kick an old lady!
Hot Fuzz is going to be great. |
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| Soopa Doopa |
[Nov. 29th, 2006|11:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bedroom | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drunk | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Rage Against The Machine - Battle of Los Angeles | ] |
Busy, busy, busy. I've had a bit of a hectic week really, writing, working, drinking and so forth. Been a while since I actually did anything other than veg out. I feel, what's the word... Accomplished. I got my hair dyed today, the bitch was super lazy and wouldn't do a full head colour, or at least told me "You'll look a bit ill if we do it all black." So basically I have a patch that's kind of black and purple and goes from the front to the neck, kind of like a highlighted mohawk, it's interesting, I suppose you could say. Not what I wanted, really, but is okay. I was especially pleased seen as the first attempt to put the purple in was unsuccessful and made it look (begins writing again after five pints down the red) like nothing had happened at all... I wasn't going to pay 40 quid for that but it turned out okay. When Dan emails me the pictures he took tonight I shall have an example to show to one and all.
Spent most of the weekend out. Sensibly so though. None of that getting so drunk I don't remember stuff shit... It has been the bane of my existence in the past and having it resurface again recently was not a good sign but meh... On Friday night I went out with Mavis and his girlfriend along with Jase. Played air hockey in the mucky duck (Where I narrowly lost to Dan, got caned by Jase the first time and narrowly conceded the second and beat Charley... Just) and basically did a Guild Hall Walk pub crawl talked bollocks and got the biggest laugh from Charley who was trying to tell me that she wanted to "introduce" me to her friend Lauren.
"She's slim and tall..."
"Charley, I'm a Hobbit."
Point one goes down like the Bismark. Point two, well, it's fucking hilarious.
"Everyone says what similar personalities we have."
Yeah, Charley, not too much self love there... You may as well have said "Anyone like me is the fucking shit, I am so awesome and cool that any God there is would take me as his wife and make a thousand tiny baby Jesuses with me."
The fact I believe this of myself is far too ironic to fully explore in my current semi-inebriated state. Man, if I had a womb and fallopian tubes...
Saturday, well, I hate Luke's girlfriend, she is Vicky Pollard. Maybe not in actions and behaviour, but well, she's a cunt and looks like Matt Lucas so I like to put her in a TV show I hate. So yes, when Luke is completely smashed and trying to nob just about anything in a skirt I see that he sees just what I do deep down. That his girlfriend is a rectum tosser just makes this justifiable entertainment to me. I've never known someone put down another person as much as she does him to the point of pointing out his laughter lines on his forehead as if they were the latter stages of leprosy on his tiny cock.
Sunday was Tenacious D watchage. It was actually, well, average. Nothing special but not a waste of money. Did some writing and basqued in the pleasure of a day off my boring shitty job that I loathe and contributed to me feeling like a fucking sadsack (Yes, that is a Raggy Dolls euphamism) for the past fortnight. This week, because of the leeways I made writing on Sunday I have spent most of my free time doing that. Expanding my screenplay here, starting my novel properly there. I feel great that I am actually getting down and doing these things I need to do, it's amazing what a little action can do for you when inaction has been your motif for so long.
We got the portfolio delivery yesterday of the books I personally ordered for Foreign Travel. It was great unpacking them. I got ecotraveller guides and wildlife guides that would normally have been ignored. It's really inspiring me to spend at least a year after I sell the first book in my little series (if I sell it of course and don't give it away like a bitch) travelling the world, particularly volcanic islands like the Azores, wildlife cornucopia's like Madagascar and ancient ruins like the Mayan relics in Chile and meeting a variety of people who's lives greatly differ from my own. Doing this on my own with no fall back in terms of company, this really excites me.
But anyway, sleep. Early morning tomorrow, work again unfortunately. Nootch. |
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| Noop noop noop nunununuuuu noop noop noop NOOP NOOP! |
[Nov. 23rd, 2006|05:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bedroom | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | thoughtful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Tool - 10'000 Days | ] |
I am so outrageously bored...
I've just got home from Portsmouth helping my mother pick up some bits and bobs for Christmas (And doing my father's banking as he toils away, painting the purple walls in our living room a shitty shade of magnolia... Boooo!) where I also purchased the new Event Horizon double disc set in a special Event Horizon box thing made to look like the hull of the ship... I full on geeked out... Oooh, just went on play.com to find out if I messed up by paying 20 squid for it when I could have got it cheaper there... Nah ah! They don't even stock it!
*does happy dance*
Now I would like to add, I hate Paul Anderson's movies... With the exception of this and Mortal Kombat... Okay, I also have a weak spot for Soldier... And the first Res Evil wasn't bad, hell, Apocalypse was also alright and Sienna Guillory looked kind of hot as Jill Valentine... Alright, scratch that. I want to hate Paul Anderson movies so that I appear smart, cultured and high brow... But I don't. And I also loved the Doom movie... It's a similar style of broad, brainless masculinity, "fancy editing and twist" make me smile... Grrrr.
In other news, I'm seriously considering packing my bags and doing a bit of a world tour once I have enough cash. I'll probably try and work my way through for the most part but will need money for a flight home at any time. I don't know how I am going to do it yet, but I will do some research. Ideally I'd like to do some volunteer work for some ecological and wildlife charities as I go and maybe get a chance to go all "Die Hard" on a commercial whaling ship. Blow it up with C4 and feed the crew to sharks.
And I have been thinking about some of the masculine ideals, not least; power. The idea that a man who struggles to be a good citizen, uphold the law, think of others and basically live a good life as a good person will never exude the influence of a self involved asshole. This in turn leads to resentment of oneself and the things that best typify the things the "nice guy" cannot achieve for himself. This is of particular interest to me because it is the fundamental factor in how tragedy befalls one of my characters in "the never ending project."
The main idea of this is that "nice people" are taken advantage of, even by other "nice people." If one displays too much care and attention; this is exploited. Quite often the moment the exploitaion starts, however small, the "nice person" will withdraw and become consumed by self doubt. I mean really, only nice people seem to suffer from depression.
This fascinates me and I can't wait to explore it in various scenarios as I am writing.
Oh and I watched Casino Royale yesterday. It was okay, which is actually a pretty good reaction to a Bond film seen as almost all of them suck balls. Eva Green is lovely, but I already knew that. Can't really tell if Daniel Craig makes a good Bond or not seen as I am not very fond of the character. Also got to see the remake of Assault on Precinct 13 when I got home last night. It was pretty good actually, quick, snappy and to the point. They killed some of the people in any other movie they would have let live, which was great. |
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| Salem Witch Hunt |
[Nov. 14th, 2006|10:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bedroom | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None | ] |
Ugh, I called in sick at work on Friday and Saturday and they took me in for a little word as to their concerns over my "health."
You see, supposedly my stomach complaints and "two" bouts of sickness have made me an invalid (Despite being a demon unpacker in goods in) in the workplace and that if it doesn't improve I will not make it past my 3 month appraisal.
Meh, I couldn't give a shit. My aspirations greatly exceed my current position, if not wage. I'm just so bored all the time, it leaves me numb and lethargic and I am just pissed off with everything about it.
It would appear that I have now become a vegetarian. Being in the company of one made it fairly easy for the majority of last week (And she makes a mean Quorn Sausages, veggie fingers and spaghetti hoops) but since I have been home I have had a mushroom and onion stroganoff made for me and tonight I cooked for the first time in over a year. It took fucking ages, but felt proud of myself afterwards.
I made a Lemon and Leek Risotto, the first few mouthfuls are lovely (Although perhaps I went overboard on the Marscapone and Parmesan) but it gets a little too much by the end. It is the sort of thing you need to go with something else. I spent a good hour and a half making it, chomping on Cashew nuts and drinking chocolate frijj as I went along and will have some more for lunch tomorrow but the most satisfying aspect of it is that I was actually self-sufficient for once and also really enjoyed doing it. I am actually looking forward to what I decide to do next.
Time constraints tomorrow mean Thursday will be my next soiree and I will go for something quicker this time. Maybe homemade veggie burgers... Mmmmmm.
Next up, learn to wash clothes. |
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| Captain's Log, Stardate - Crusty Balls |
[Nov. 5th, 2006|07:20 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bedroom | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | melancholy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None | ] |
I'm in another of those irritable moods, I can't sit still or do anything for any period of time and am, quite frankly, just angry all over.
What a contrast to yesterday. One would assume that I'd have been fairly pissed off and yet I was extremely happy and jovial, larking about at work, being on good form with customers regardless of what impossible search they sent me on and now, well meh.
I saw Borat today, it was extremely funny and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. However, when we drove out of town, along the motorway and passed the naval scrap yard, the sun was setting with a glow of warm pink that caught the ripples in the water around the shredded, warped iron that infests the waters like a strange gothic fantasy and I was thoroughly captivated by the beauty of what I saw in front of me. I can't say that I have ever seen the light reflected off the water quite like that before and contrasted with the nightmarish, twisted metal that was darkened against the dying light like terrifying shadows; it was a sight to behold.
This isn't an isolated incident, quite often brief, fleeting glimpses of pure beauty send me into a sad catatonic state. I don't know what it is, one cannot possess beauty as they can a manufactured product or trinket, so that is not the issue. The lack of permanence could be a culprit, I think the fact I could not stop the car, get out and look at it as it faded into nothingness saddened me. Or maybe the strange, emotional reaction I had to it is what bothered me, as if I shouldn't be thinking this way. It's just a sunset after all, the most cliched romanticism in human psychology - surely I, the great Stephen John Leslie French, should be above such simplistic thinking?
I guess I wish I just had a camera, one with enough manual options to allow me to work with what I was seeing to best capture it. The image would then become a constant reminder of what I was thinking about when I saw it and what it inspired within me. But that is a thoroughly private thing and I will not discuss it here. |
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| Diagnosis |
[Oct. 31st, 2006|03:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bedroom | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jamiroquai - Synkronized | ] |
I have an irritable bowel brought on by a bout of gastro enteritis I had several weeks ago that has been made worse by my largely bread based diet and nervous stress.
Supposedly, with fruit, veg and more fibre, I will be right as rain in a week or so. She also says I should start doing more exercise.
Ugh, I sound like one of those sad computer geeks and their lame "health problems."
Shoot me now! |
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| Shitty Day Off |
[Oct. 31st, 2006|11:24 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Bedroom | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | irate | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Clash - Sandinista | ] |
Well, I got no lay in.
I felt like I had been asleep for fucking ages, only to discover that my mother had not even left for work yet. I don't think I even got 8 hours. I suppose at least I got to sleep quickly, which was nice considering my mind was really overworking last night and that usually means hours of laying down, tossing and turning before I somehow manage to fall unconscious.
I have to go to the doctor at 2.20pm. My stomach aches are non-abating and I feel terrible by the end of the work day even when I start it brightly enough. I am, as you may guess, a grumpy fuck at the moment.
I'm dreading going back to work tomorrow. I just don't want to... It's like sitting through 9 hours of torture every day. It bores the crap out of me, I feel no interest as I plod on doing mechanical bullshit over and over again.
Ugh, think of something funny! Dan sucking on a donkey dick while grinning and giving passers by the thumbs up.
Hehehehe. |
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| Train Journeys Suck |
[Oct. 31st, 2006|12:23 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Boudoir | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None | ] |
Well, the late night train journey was as joyous as ever and provided way too much thinking time to consider stupid philosophical questions of little to no relevence, as that seems to be what my mind favours.
So I was thinking about times when you have a compulsion or desire to do something that you know you should stop or at least take a step back from. Why does it often seem that the very thing your logical side knows you should curb is the very thing that your instinct craves?
It's kind of the subject of the book 'Blink' that I have had my eye on in the shop for some time. It basically tells you that instinct is the right way to act on things. That it is most often correct to pander to your whims.
In my opinion, this is an idiotic and foolhardy concept. Snap decisions on many things can be irredeemably detrimental to whatever the goal is in the first place. There are many things that involve our emotions on an accute level and as anyone with any life experience will tell you, a person's emotions are a destructive and powerful thing that can seriously compromise judgment...
... Ah but I talk in riddles, perhaps embarrassed by the motives behind it at the same time. |
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malkuth_toltec's journal